Schedules

Benjamin has lately been been switching his (our) schedule around a bit. For nearly his entire existence, he has taken a morning nap somewhere between 8:30-9:00. Every morning we get up, eat breakfast, and play before Ben settles in for a nice, long rest. During this time I leisurely drink my coffee and get on the internet before doing some housework and taking my shower. It's my time to refuel after the busy morning, and before running errands and doing more chores. This week Benjamin has decided he wants to act sleepy at the same time he always does, but not actually attempt sleep until around 10:15. This, of course, throws off my entire morning. Instead of "getting things done" first thing, I'm in a fight with my baby to see who gets to determine nap time. Then I watch as the clock ticks, realizing I had planned on a certain activity at noon, but I have to push it back. Then realizing that we can't just run out the door as soon as Ben wakes up (usually around 12:30), because I have to feed him lunch. By the time I get him strapped in the car seat and we're running errands, I'm anxious about getting everything done, Ben has been rushed through lunch, and we've both had a rough start to our day. Not to mention that Mr. B. usually starts to get ready for his afternoon nap around 2:30!

I feel bad about this. I tend to get very anxious about things that don't deserve it. I have expectations about what my day should be like, and when they fall through I'm not a pleasant person to be around. It's taken me many years to realize that contrary to what I like to believe, I'm a pretty high maintenance individual. This is a struggle for me. Today I realized that I'm not staying home with my baby to have more "me" time, I'm staying home because the time I spend with my son is invaluable. I mean, this is obvious to most people, but sometimes it's easy for me to get caught up in "OMG! I have to buy stamps today, RIGHT. NOW." No. I don't want to think that way anymore. The most important thing I do today should be taking care of Benjamin and myself in a way that is healthy and happy for both of us. That means moving slowly, being patient, and going through my day in a joyful way. I'll try.