Bedrest and other things

Joel completed one more addition to the nursery last weekend.

Ben LOVES it. He's always been an avid reader, but now he's more likely to bring me a book to read. And it's so much easier for him to put his books back on this shelf, which means his room looks neater, which means a happier mama!

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Last week I turned 33 years old, 33 weeks pregnant, and found out I've gained 33 pounds. So....yay for me? This picture illustrates how completely the belly has taken over my entire body at this point.

Bedrest this time around has been easier than last time, but still difficult. We're blessed to have Joel's parents renting a place in town for 3 months. That means we have someone to take care of Ben, clean the house, shop for groceries and cook dinner most evenings. That's not the difficult part! The hard part is relinquishing control. It's very difficult to accept the fact that the things I'm normally in charge of are not really my responsibility anymore. It's getting easier, but it's frustrating to not really be able to take care of Benjamin.

The way my body is changing has also been difficult. Since the beginning of this pregnancy I was told I couldn't do anything overly physical. That meant no long walks or even running around outside with Ben. That lack of activity combined with bedrest means that I've gained more weight than I intended. When I am at my "normal" weight, I don't think too much about my body. I don't weigh myself, and I don't obsessively monitor my food intake. But pregnancy really brings out a side of me I wish didn't exist. I really wish I could not care. I wish I could tell myself that it's part of pregnancy, that it's normal, that I gained 40 pounds last time and lost it all and it wasn't that bad. But I can't. I am normally a thin person. I've always been thin. I have also always been very energetic--some would say I have lots of nervous energy:) Now that I'm confined to the couch all day, feeling sluggish and heavy, I'm trying to reassess how I perceive myself.

I'm saying this because I think ALL women, or at least most, think about their bodies a lot. I also think that most mothers think of themselves as irreplaceable, or imagine their families couldn't function normally without them doing the majority of the work. Pregnancy and bedrest forces you to confront all of those ideas.

I also don't feel that great. I'm not going to go into specific reasons for my bedrest, but I have a uterine abnormality that makes me high risk. Because of this physical issue, my body starts giving signs of imminent labor very early in pregnancy. I started having Braxton-Hicks contractions at 20 weeks. Since being on bedrest the contractions have lessoned but have become much more intense--almost like "real" contractions. When I started bedrest at 30 weeks I was 1 cm. dilated and about 50-60% effaced. All of this means I feel pretty uncomfortable most of the time. If I am on my feet for more than 10 minutes--like taking a shower--I start to have some pretty strong Braxton-Hicks. And let me just say, anyone who tells you these are just "practice" contractions and they don't matter is being completely ridiculous. And anyone who tells you they are painless is also being ridiculous. No, they don't make you feel like you're going to start pushing the baby out, but they're pretty uncomfortable!

I'm hoping to make it to AT LEAST 36 weeks, and 37 weeks (full term) would be ideal. I've told this to all my midwives and my high risk OB, and they have all given me the same reaction, which is to just look at me silently. We'll see!

Sorry about the long post, but I felt like it was time to let people know exactly what's going on. I strongly believe I will make it to 36 weeks this time, but I would appreciate any prayers you could send my way. Sitting around all day can lead to a lot of anxiety and I have been feeling pretty apprehensive about the next couple of weeks. Whew! That was quite an essay. Thanks for hanging in there!