Thankful

Ok, I've had these pictures uploaded and saved to blogger for well over a week now but haven't had the time to actually write a post. The transition to two children isn't necessarily stressful, it just leaves little time for anything else.

Anyway...

Abe hopes everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. It may not look like it, but he means it. He really does.

Ben spent his time watching Matt and Meredith host the Macy's parade

And Abe spent a lot of time chillin' in the swing while mommy cooked Thanksgiving dinner.

And....this is a similar pic of Benjamin around 1 month. What do you think? Do they look alike?

Abram Kristopher

I would think that everyone who reads this blog already knows this, but Abram Kristopher was born on November 11 at 3:26 am. He weighed 6 lbs 3 oz and is 20 in. long. That's 1 oz lighter and 1 in. shorter than Benjamin's birth stats. He was at 36 weeks gestation EXACTLY. That was my goal and I made it! Well...barely, but I did it!

Abram spent 2 1/2 days in the NICU for a couple of reasons. He was having a little trouble breathing right after birth, but that resolved itself within 45 minutes. He was also in a frank breech position in the womb, which means he was head down but had his feet up to his ears. This caused him to have hip dysplasia in his right hip, which means it "clicks" if he hyperextends his leg. There's nothing wrong with his joints, and his hip isn't dislocated. He does have to wear a special harness to keep him from extending his leg, but this is temporary. We see a pediatric orthopedist on Wednesday so we'll know more then. He is also a little jaundiced but it's not severe so we were allowed to take him home with special instructions to put him in front of a sunny window and have lots of feedings to help his body expel the jaundice. We had our 2 day pediatric appointment today and our pediatrician recommended having his bilirubin levels checked again. The lab results should be in later today and we're hoping for a good report.

He is sleepy because of the jaundice so I have to wake him for feedings, but he is a GREAT nurser. None of Benjamin's early eating issues, that's for sure. I am also having hard time adjusting from being on bedrest to being a mother of two. I feel like I haven't really been mothering Ben for the past few weeks so we're all trying to cope with the changes. Ben is pretty fussy and is acting out a bit, but I expected that. Yesterday he asked when the baby was going to go back to the baby's house:) He wasn't pleased when I told him the baby was staying with us.

Joel and I are thankful for many things. We are thankful that our baby isn't in the hospital. I didn't realized how much our experience with Benjamin had weighed on us until Abram was born. Our first night home Joel turned to me and said he was so happy and that being at home with the baby and helping each other is how it's supposed to be. I'm a bit of a mess when I think about the differences between the two experiences, but I guess I should have expected that. We are also thankful for the amazing NICU staff. The doctors and nurses we interacted with were very pro parent, and our experience with Benjamin was exactly the opposite.

Sorry for the dry post. I am very tired but working on the birth story and should have it up soon.

In the NICU a few hours after birth

Tired mama

Abe comes home

Sunning himself next to our front door

35 Weeks

I made it! I'm now 3 days past the point when Benjamin was born. Every day this baby is in utero is a day he wouldn't have to spend in the hospital. Of course I know that 35 week babies are delivered with no complications all the time, but I don't want to take my chances. I know that if Ben was born at 37, or maybe even 36 weeks, he wouldn't have had a hospital stay.

The midwives are all impressed I've made it this far and they've all let me know how excited they are. It was a small battle to get my midwives to accept me as a patient since I'm high risk, so the closer I get to a full term delivery makes it a better situation for them.

Now I have to get real and tell you how I REALLY feel. This is best done in bullet points.

• I can barely walk. This baby is so low (and has been for weeks) that I'm waddling all the time. He alternates between pressing down on my bladder and my perineum. Sorry if that's TMI, but it's my reality and it hurts.
• I'm in constant pain. My pelvic joints hurt and that also contributes to the whole not being able to walk thing. My leg muscles ache because they're not being used. I have contractions and general uterine irritation most of the time.
• Sometimes I feel like the baby is just going to fall out of me. When I told one of my midwives that she said she hears it all the time from women who are pregnant for the second or third time. She assured me the baby will not fall out but sometimes I wonder:)
• I am very worried about labor. I had a non-medicated birth with Ben and I plan on having another, but being on bedrest for 8 weeks complicates things. It's very difficult to go from no exercise to running a marathon.
• I'm nesting and can't act on my natural urges. I want to clean every single switch plate and doorknob with rubbing alcohol. I want to get on my hands and knees and scrub my kitchen floor. Not that I would be able to get up afterwards:) I want to vacuum all the dirt and dead bugs between my screen and window. I want to clean out closets. And guess what? I'm well aware that after the baby is born I won't want to do ANY of these things because I'll be too exhausted. I'm completely missing my window of opportunity.
• And as long as I'm being honest, I'm scared of the pain. I don't really remember being afraid when I was pregnant with Ben, but now I know what it feels like and I'm not looking forward to it. The thing is, I definitely don't want an epidural either. The idea of an epidural makes me feel sick to my stomach. I just think I would rather skip the whole thing and have the stork bring my baby. I know. It's a terrible attitude. I took the Bradley method and I read Mothering magazine, and I get how beautiful labor is, and blah blah blah. BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING IT! I know what will happen though. Labor will start and it won't be enjoyable but I'll do it because I have to. And I'll say no to the epidural because I know labor is pain with a purpose. And also because the thought of someone sticking a huge needle in my back makes me want to pass out. The only bright spot is that supposedly second labors are supposed to be shorter. And I also know that I have absolutely no regrets about having a natural birth with Benjamin, and I think it was the strongest thing I've ever done in my life. But it still hurts.

Trick or Treat

Ben was a fireman, or actually a "fireboy" for Halloween. I outsourced his costume since making one seemed a little ambitious this year. He looks very solemn in all these pictures so I can only assume he took his role pretty seriously.

With our neighbors, Elmer and Marilou and friend Owen.

He was very interested in Owen's bucket.

Ready to go!

He got lots of candy and pretty much forgot about it by the next day. Good thing, since I've eaten half of it already. Well....only the chocolate pieces:)

Bedrest and other things

Joel completed one more addition to the nursery last weekend.

Ben LOVES it. He's always been an avid reader, but now he's more likely to bring me a book to read. And it's so much easier for him to put his books back on this shelf, which means his room looks neater, which means a happier mama!

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Last week I turned 33 years old, 33 weeks pregnant, and found out I've gained 33 pounds. So....yay for me? This picture illustrates how completely the belly has taken over my entire body at this point.

Bedrest this time around has been easier than last time, but still difficult. We're blessed to have Joel's parents renting a place in town for 3 months. That means we have someone to take care of Ben, clean the house, shop for groceries and cook dinner most evenings. That's not the difficult part! The hard part is relinquishing control. It's very difficult to accept the fact that the things I'm normally in charge of are not really my responsibility anymore. It's getting easier, but it's frustrating to not really be able to take care of Benjamin.

The way my body is changing has also been difficult. Since the beginning of this pregnancy I was told I couldn't do anything overly physical. That meant no long walks or even running around outside with Ben. That lack of activity combined with bedrest means that I've gained more weight than I intended. When I am at my "normal" weight, I don't think too much about my body. I don't weigh myself, and I don't obsessively monitor my food intake. But pregnancy really brings out a side of me I wish didn't exist. I really wish I could not care. I wish I could tell myself that it's part of pregnancy, that it's normal, that I gained 40 pounds last time and lost it all and it wasn't that bad. But I can't. I am normally a thin person. I've always been thin. I have also always been very energetic--some would say I have lots of nervous energy:) Now that I'm confined to the couch all day, feeling sluggish and heavy, I'm trying to reassess how I perceive myself.

I'm saying this because I think ALL women, or at least most, think about their bodies a lot. I also think that most mothers think of themselves as irreplaceable, or imagine their families couldn't function normally without them doing the majority of the work. Pregnancy and bedrest forces you to confront all of those ideas.

I also don't feel that great. I'm not going to go into specific reasons for my bedrest, but I have a uterine abnormality that makes me high risk. Because of this physical issue, my body starts giving signs of imminent labor very early in pregnancy. I started having Braxton-Hicks contractions at 20 weeks. Since being on bedrest the contractions have lessoned but have become much more intense--almost like "real" contractions. When I started bedrest at 30 weeks I was 1 cm. dilated and about 50-60% effaced. All of this means I feel pretty uncomfortable most of the time. If I am on my feet for more than 10 minutes--like taking a shower--I start to have some pretty strong Braxton-Hicks. And let me just say, anyone who tells you these are just "practice" contractions and they don't matter is being completely ridiculous. And anyone who tells you they are painless is also being ridiculous. No, they don't make you feel like you're going to start pushing the baby out, but they're pretty uncomfortable!

I'm hoping to make it to AT LEAST 36 weeks, and 37 weeks (full term) would be ideal. I've told this to all my midwives and my high risk OB, and they have all given me the same reaction, which is to just look at me silently. We'll see!

Sorry about the long post, but I felt like it was time to let people know exactly what's going on. I strongly believe I will make it to 36 weeks this time, but I would appreciate any prayers you could send my way. Sitting around all day can lead to a lot of anxiety and I have been feeling pretty apprehensive about the next couple of weeks. Whew! That was quite an essay. Thanks for hanging in there!

Nursery Progress

When Benjamin was born at 35 weeks, I had done NOTHING in his room. Since I'd had to be on bedrest for the 5 weeks before his birth, fixing up the nursery was at the bottom of my list. I had a dresser/changing table I never got around to painting, a hand me down glider from the 70s, a crib from Craigslist and a shelving unit. Then Benjamin was born and suddenly I didn't have time or the desire to fix up his room beyond the basics. I promised myself it would be different for this baby, and so far we're making progress! Ben and his little brother will be sharing a room, and although baby #2 will be sleeping close to mama and daddy for a few months I still want their shared space to be ready by the time he gets here.

Before Ben was born we bought a used mid-century dresser off Craigslist to use as a changing table. It was completely beat up with lots of scratches and so many white rings on top that the finish was completely gone. My intent was to paint it white but that never happened. We just lived with it until that "someday" when we could fix it up. Well, 2 1/2 years later it happened!

Here's a before picture. Obviously you can't see the whole dresser, but you can see the scratches up and down the side, and the worn finish.

Joel sanded and stripped the whole thing in his shop. That was a veeeery long process:) Then he stained it a dark walnut.

Ta-Da! The finished product!

After having a couple years to think about it we decided that re-finishing the piece was better than painting since paint would have shown every single ding and scratch. Originally I had wanted to stain it a color close to the original but I'm glad we went with the darker color instead. It's still mid-century appropriate but very masculine and perfect for a boys room. The rest of the space has a lot of white so it needed a dark piece to balance it out. The signed Leroy Neiman print above the dresser is something we bought at auction 3 years ago, and it had been tucked away ever since. I finally took it to be re-framed and I'm glad it can be used in this room.

I'll post more pictures of the nursery as it starts to come together. I think it actually might get done this time!

Last week...

...we got over 20 inches of rain. Here's Ben standing in what's left of our garden. Unlike a lot of people in the area we didn't have any flooding, but we did experience some cabin fever. The beautiful fall weather this week is almost making up for the deluge.

In other news, I'm on bedrest for at least the next 6 weeks. I'm in the middle of writing a post about that and some other things so I'll have an update soon.

Happy fall!